The other day I got my first message sent to me via stumbleupon. Stumbleupon, for those of you who don't know, is a service for sharing things on the interweb that you've stumbled upon, hence the name, and for stumbling upon things that other people have stumbled upon, also hence the name. It's stumbling upon in the vernacular, you don't nearly trip up or anything. As no-one had ever sent a message to me from there before it was quite exciting. Who could it be?

Hi..dear....nice to see you .

What's this? Who is this? My mother? My mother doesn't really talk like that. My sweetheart? I don't think I have one. Maybe I do and I forgot? I hope not, that would be quite shameful. Perhaps it's just someone who talks like that. I know, here's a brilliant idea - why don't I just read on and find out?

i really wonderful to got your address and so sorry to bothered you.

Well, whoever you are, perhaps you are wonderful, but you haven't got my address, as far as I know, or surely you wouldn't have sent me a message from stumbleupon, a very unusual choice of means to get in touch with me. There are plenty of others, easy to find. But don't worry, you didn't bothered me.

My name's Heaven_Ou.I am a Chinese,and i have been do foreign trade business several years ago.

Oh really? I hope that was a good time for you.

I work at Chinese government,lead a super-work-team all around the world.

That sounds fantastic, you must love it!

I have a beautiful dream,

That's wonderful, what is it? World peace? An end to hunger? No more reality TV?

I want make our website more and more reputation.

Let me stop you there a moment, Heaven_Ou. I have to say the phrase 'paucity of ambition' cannot help but leap forth from whatever part of my mind it hangs out in when it's not needed. Your beautiful dream is that you want to make your website more and more reputation? Well, what is it? Maybe I can help if it's my kind of thing.

Maybe you can help me to make noted in your business relationship.

Well, maybe, come on, tell me what it is.

China is the biggest manufacturer in the world,everything is better quality and better price.

Really? I'm not so sure. As for quality, well... I've been eating a lot of noodles from various Asian countries recently, and none of them have been from China, but if they had, I'd have been thinking, as I ate them, "I hope these aren't full of lead or cyanide or something!" Now, that may be a little unfair - but it's not entirely unfair, is it? And as for price, isn't India cheaper? I'm sorry, I don't want to burst your bubble, carry on.

and this time more and more the original manufacturer come together and cooperate to government make this website. So we have so many kinds of products for exports. And I think you can just do it with us,and we will be all benefit.

Well, it's possible, but I don't really do sales-type stuff, I think it's unlikely, but let's see what you've got.

Our Products :Diamond powder,LED lights,Drilling machine,Medical instruments,New material,Electronic components... etc.

Whoah whoah whoah there, Heaven_Ou! I really think it's sounding like you have incompetently in your task contacted, in a random manner, a random person who has no particular suitability to your needs at all, in fact I think I'm probably less useful for what you have in mind than the average person! Diamond powder? I don't know anyone in the mining business, and if I did I don't think they'd want to buy crucial materials in such a strange way. LED lights? I don't know anyone that needs a lot of those. I could give you the number of the bike shop across the road, but I'd have to look it up, and you could do that. Drilling machine? See diamond powder. Medical instruments? Good grief, no! If I ever have to undergo surgery again I very much do not want the surgeon to say "I'm going to be using a scalpel I bought from some bloke on the other side of the world who randomly contacted someone I know on stumbleupon." I'd leg it! Unless I was unable to leg it and that's why I needed surgery. Then I'd drag myself out of there on my elbows or something. New material? Well, you have given me some new material for It Is What It Is! Do you see what I did there? No, probably not. I have no idea what you meant by 'New material' but I'm fairly confident that it's not that. Electronic components? If I know anyone that needs electronic components I'm sure they like to do their own research online and find the best price and quality for their needs and means. I have to admit that I might be able to sell some etc., it's hard to refute it if you're not more specific.

China is the best development and beautiful place in the world!

Possibly true! But I don't see what that has got to do with anything.

Cooperate with us and make yourself more important in the life!

Is that a threat? Like 'cooperate with us and make yourself more important in the life, but resist and I think that you will find things not quite so agreeable'?

sincerely hope to got your response through our gmail account and best wishes to u.

Thank you for your best wishes, but I don't think I'll be responding directly. Best wishes to you as well.

The part of Heaven_Ou in the audio version of this was read by brendadhill off of the twitter.

see you around

First Pop Song Of The Day - Stumble by Emily

Second Pop Song Of The Day - PONPONPON by Kyary Pamyu Pamyu

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