You only get a hug, arooga-rooga, from a Batchelors mug. That's how the tune in the advert went. Oh, how I hate that arooga-rooga, even though it's been decades since it was taken off the telly for cruelty. What were they thinking of? What were they taking us for? The sort of people who would think "ooh, listen to that, arooga-rooga, I must buy some of that cup-a-soup". Who the hell would think like that? I've never ever heard of anyone being like that. It beggars the belief of beggars with beliefs. Arooga-rooga, oh, get lost, and take your arooga-rooga with you. And bury it, in twenty metres of concrete, and have a big barbed wire fence, and signs saying WARNING - CONTAMINATED WITH AROOGA-ROOGA.
I may have expressed my distaste for the arooga-rooga before. It clouded my vision to such an extent that I was unable to see the big picture. That simple, hideous line, which someone was presumably paid to write, has other things wrong with it. Firstly, the mug. There are TWO things wrong with the mug alone! Both connected with the compulsion to rhyme something with hug, however poorly! Why that should have been a non-negotiable I don't know, but we'll come on to that. Firstly, the product is called Batchelors CUP-a-soup, not MUG-a-soup! They thought it was worth diluting the brand like that for that rhyme. Do you? No, of course not. Secondly, they're selling what you put IN the mug - why neglect it in favour of bigging up the vessel? Do you get adverts saying things like "Buy a McDonalds hamburger, it comes with a bit of paper round it?" or "Ragu pasta sauce - it's in a jar? No, you do not. Because it would be bloody stupid!
To permit such atrocities they must have been pretty hung up on keeping the hug bit. But why? Neither soup nor a mug ever give you a hug, not even if you're on drugs or psychotic or something, you would just be thinking that that was happening. And I've never even heard one report of anyone thinking such a thing was happening. Not for any reason. So, to say 'you get a hug from a Batchelors mug' would be complete rubbish. So why would they say that? It's a cliché, but one has to wonder - what were they on? I've not heard of what drugs would lead to that. Charlie Sheen wouldn't come up with that. But they said ONLY. You ONLY get a hug from a Batchelors mug. WHAT? There's only one possible explaination. They developed, or came into possession of, a very bad computer program that was supposed to write adverts, and were somehow committed to use the results, however unsuitable they were, perhaps because of a Faustian pact, or trouble with the unions. I cannot think of anything else that would have led to such a risible advertisement appearing on our screens.
It makes "Nobody makes soup in a cup like Batchelors Cup-a-soup" seem like genius, even though I could pick holes in that too.
That's all from me for now
See you around
Pop Song Of The Day: Trembling Blue Stars - Cold Colours
Posted by Keir Hardie at 7:30 am