Women - your suffering is over! "David Cameron to announce PMS solution next week" declared the headline! I must say, this is a surprise. A bolt from the blue, as it were. I hadn't heard anything about this. A cure for PMS! This is revolutionary. I wonder how long they've been working on that? Strange I haven't heard anything about it before.
He's not just going to say women should go on the pill, is he?
He is, isn't he! What's that about? Is he wanting to go on some debauched sexual marathon, working his way around the country? Or something like that? No, that would be absurd! Is it an over-elaborate ruse to get his wife to go on the pill? Don't be ridiculous!
It's to save money. If all the women go on the pill in a few years time he'll have saved a fortune on child benefit. If people are stupid enough to elect him again next time, and they were stupid enough to elect him once so I can't be confident that they won't be stupid enough to do it again, he's going to start saving a fortune on schools. He's got the whole diabolical plan all worked out. I knew he was a rotter, but this is something else!
...oh, the PMS in this story is the Presbyterian Mutual Society. So forget everything I just said. Sorry about that!
Dog people, what is wrong with you? A dog in Manchester has had gender realignment surgery to improve its chances of finding a home, as people that were interested in adopting it changed their tune when they found out it was a hermaphrodite. People supposedly like their dogs to be interesting. They go to great lengths to breed them, for instance, so that they have beautiful red feathers, even if the trade-off is that they are consequently genetically unable to recall pin numbers containing a five. But a hermaphrodite? Nah. What's the problem? Did they think that they'd have to get it done twice? The vet would have given them a special deal! It's all about supply and demand, and vets can't get enough hermaphrodite dogs to operate on, they're mad for them. Oh... it's worse... it says they made it clear to people that once the dog was settled they'd cut its man bits off for free, but they still didn't want to know. They just didn't want it in the house with the full set. Do they think it's contagious? Did they think they would start growing the full set themselves? Sort yourselves out, dog people!
Your chocolatey unhealthy yums are safe! The dispute at Tunnock's is over, so no more strikes for now and you don't have to hang onto the stockpiles of Tunnock's teacakes, caramel wafers and those coconut ones anymore, supply is guaranteed, you can eat them all now. I'm not suggesting that you do, of course. It Is What It Is is into health and that. Eat an apple or something. Yeah! And if you've any chocolate you want rid of - I can probably find a good home for it.
I've had some enquiries about me doing video versions of some 'classic' issues of It Is What It Is - I dunno - I don't like the idea of proclaiming any of them to be 'classic'. But if anyone requests a particular one I might do it. No promises.
that's all from me for now
see you around
Level Of Damage Of The Day: Everybody