Car thieves as young as seven? Perhaps some of you know what I'm going to say, in a moment, when you speak my mind. You've been following my thoughts for a long time now and the smartness has rubbed off on you. But you know that It Is What It Is is not just for you, because, thankfully, new people come alone to be blessed by the drinking in of my beautiful wise truth juice. So for their benefit, I will say, I'm sorry, that's just too young. What if they start crying or wanting to play Pokemon at a crucial moment? Some say that no-one should be stealing cars at all, let alone seven-year olds. Well, I'd agree, up to a point. I don't think anyone should steal cars unless they have a very good reason. But if there is such a good reason for a car to be stolen, pick someone who's up to the job. Not someone who's going to stop to but sweets and get caught. I'm not being ageist. I'm just being practical.
Wellah Wellah Wellah! That's what they say, isn't it? Paul Weller fans, that is. There has been unprecedented strange betting on his latest album to win the Mercury Music Prize, which everyone says hasn't been decided yet, and the odds have been cut from twenty to one to ten to one on. Have the judges been nobbled? What's going on? It seems a shame that the musicians, who are responsible for the music in the future, can't get a piece of the action. However - I have a plan to remedy this. In the future no-one should get to hear the albums until prize night - they should be nominated on expectation. Then a dodgy criminal gambling syndicate could bribe Paul Weller, or whoever, to make an album that was shit. Then next time he could get better odds for his return to form! Everyone's a winner!
I don't want to go one about Tony Blair, but the nerve of him, it's disgusting. It's bad enough that he's promoting his book and saying he doesn't regret Iraq but he regrets the foxhunting ban. But he's giving us all advice. On radical Islam. On climate change. On prison policies. On Northern Ireland. This is like - well, this is the prime example. I could say it's like if Mick Fleetwood kept getting up on stage at the Brit Awards to tell the presenters how it should be done. Or if um... basically it's like if Tony Blair kept telling the government how to be good at government. Yeah. Meanwhile a poll shows that people will be less likely to vote Labour if they don't vote for New Labour policies.