After the break, Naughty Buddhist Monks! But first! Parboiling? No! Stop it! Why can't you say the T? Too lazy? When I brought this up at the It Is What It Is editorial meeting yesterday a fan who had won a competition to get a tour of the building came up with some very funny stuff on the subject but we couldn't use it because he's not staff. I know, I know, it's not my fault, it's the lawyers. But I've since discovered the full horror of it. The word comes from Middle English, Old French and Latin words meaning to boil thoroughly, but it's not used to mean part-boil because it sounds a lot like it! So there is double down damn no excuse for all your parboiling nonsense, you're part-boiling it and if you were to use the word parboil you should be meaning something different! What the rinky-dinky-doo is the matter with people? And is parboiling not a little bit borgeois anyway? No, forget that. We've moved on. Good food for everyone. This is no time for condeming anyone who's ever eaten anything other than gruel as a decadent aristo pig. After all, I've got a cafetiere. Have I mentioned that before? Yes, cafetiere! I wasn't going to tell you this, as I don't like to blow my own trumpet (parp) but I've even started walking upright! Oh dear, a snarky autodidact.
Meanwhile from Cambodia last month reports reached us of Naughty Buddhist Monks. Getting drunk and beating people up. Making covert videos of naked ladies. That's not really Buddhism as I imagine it. But what do I really know about Buddhism? Well, there's Buddha, who's that chubby bloke... and it's all peace and love, innit? Let's have a closer use. Ah, yes, karma. They believe in karma, not Instant Karma, that was a John Lennon song... sorry, just got distracted going to watch it. It was great. Click here if you want to see it. But it doesn't tell us anything about Buddhism, really, I believe. Buddhist karma isn't instant, hence the word instant being a modifier by the impatient Mr. Lennon, who famously recorded the song on the day he wrote it and released it ten days later. But anyway, Buddhism, they believe in reincarnation. And 31 planes of existence. Think of the carbon footprint of that, 31 planes! Are these like the spaceships that Xenu had that looked like DC10s? Is there a mystery link between Buddhism and Scientology? No, because they're not those sort of planes, I was being facetious! Me, yes, I know, far out.
But I think we're starting to see the problem. Some of the Christian priests have a lot of trouble sticking to more than a few of the ten commandments. So how can the monks be expected to get their head around the 31 planes? No wonder they get confused and get all pervy fighty. It's complicated. These 31 planes are grouped, thankfully. Into five or six bunches, depending who you ask. And one of the 31 is a hungry ghost, like in Pac Man, the famous satirical buddhist computer game, where you play an unenlightened cheese running around trying to stop the ghosts helping you attain nirvana. Or something like that. I don't know, I don't fully get all the references in Buddhist computer games, I'm not entirely famiiliar with the concepts, I fail to grasp the subtext, because I'm not a Buddhist. Oh, I'm sorry. That's no excuse. Autodidact? Dilettante, more like.
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