It's war! As emperor of the planet Earth, I declare war on microbes! It's the climate change, innit. We've all been turning our tellys off, and proper off, not just on standby (although I sometimes wonder, why can't they make the telly manufacturers make tellys that use less power on standby, then we can leave them on standby? After all, isn't that what standby is for?) anyway, we're doing that, we're switching our telly off, and recycling everything (this It Is What It Is, for example, is recyled - it was produced by taking some of the letters used in It Is What It Is in 2005 and rearranging them in a different order)... anyway, we do all that, and try to save the planet, but who's that trying to undo all our good work? Microbes!
According to a news there's a shitload of the bastards hiding under ice sheets in Antarctica and Greenland (textbook supervillian secret base locations) churning out methane with the intention of melting us all! We've got to put a stop to them! The story is suspiciously half-hearted, to a degree I've never seen before. It starts normally enough, saying they could be doing it, a study suggests - standard mealy-mouthedness for this kind of thing - but then it says if blah de blah - a possibility that is far from certain - it could mean blah de blah. You've covered your back with the initial 'could' and 'suggest' - why keep on about how it might not be true? I think the answer is obvious - microbial influence.
What they did was, they took scrapings, and put them in bottles of water to see what happened, with the evil microbes growing and that.. Dr Jemma Wadham, a geochemist from the University of Bristol, said that for the Antarctic samples “nothing happens for 250 days and then bam! You get tons of methane.” The news then says The Greenland samples haven’t been growing for as long and so far don’t show much signs of giving off methane — but perhaps they just need more time, she reported at the meeting. That sounds a bit weak. But why no direct quote for the Greenland ones? Alexandra Witze, science writer for Wired - check her bank account for suspicious microbial payments. I think she's got a mercenary agenda.
According to wikipedia microbes are exploited by people in biotechnology. So I guess they're angry, and that's why they're doing it. But they're wrong to take it out on the whole human race! Maybe we can talk? The right-wing press would say that we mustn't talk to microbes, that's like giving into them, giving them credibility. But we don't have to listen to them! Come on, microbes. Let's have a chinwag.
Just don't go bringing your methane, okay?
that's all from me for now
see you around
Pop Song Of The Day: Substitute (The Who)