You may have been reading a lot of lies about hammerhead sharks. The lie I have been reading all over the place, in Science Daily (more like Nonsense Faily!), for instance, or in National Geographic (more like Local Rubbishgraphic!) perhaps, or on the BBC (more like Pee Pee Pee!) or The Guardian (more like... erm... Poo!) is that their head is shaped like that so they can see like humans. Hello?! Do human have heads shaped like that? Not usually. So what's the real deal then?
It's quite simple. This story has been put about by the hammerhead sharks because they are attention seekers. That is also why their heads are like that, no other reason. "Ah," but you say, "are you not then giving them exactly what they want?" Don't worry - they're not so keen on negative attention, so they won't be getting off on this exposé. "One of the things they say on TV shows is that hammerheads have better vision than other sharks, but no one had ever tested this," said a marine biologist. TV shows? What? What sort of a source of theory is this? And why would they say it, based on what? Their gimmicky attention-seeking heads? But more to the point, have you ever tried to test the eyesight of any sort of shark? They never even start reading out the top line of the chart, and anyway they won't wear glasses, they're too vain, even the vast majority of ordinary decent non-attention-seeking sharks.
"Aren't sharks all a bit attention-seeking?" you say. Well no, they're not. "But what about some of their funny names?" They didn't come up with those! Sharks keep what they call themselves a secret. We came up with the names we know about! Those hammerhead sharks knew what they were doing with the funny-shaped head. But the lemon shark isn't impresonating a lemon. They don't know what a lemon is, they're a bit ignorant that way. The cookiecutter shark has not one brain cell containing any information to cookies. And the thresher shark has never been to any off-license at all. So we must conclude: hammerhead shark - you are pathetic. Even more pathetic than the naive foolish newses which fall for your lies. That's it, you've been told.
that's all from me for now
see you around
Scooter Of The Day Film For Historians Of The Day: Yamaha Vino