Independent owner falls into the red, said a news feed. But - a red what? To say 'the red' suggests 'red stuff', but there is no generic 'the red' - well, it's what you say if you have a debt, that you're 'in the red', but I doubt the Independent owner has that many bank statements lying around in a big pile. I am assuming, by the way, for the purpose of this exploration, that the headline is referring to the owner of the newspaper The Independent, not just someone who owns something who is independent. Call me crazy if you like, but that's what I'm doing. Red sauce? When I first heard 'red sauce' spoken of I assumed it was just a mod name for tomato sauce, but later it seemed to me that there were both red sauce and tomato sauce, two different products, red sauce being sort of tomato sauce but not compared to that which was called tomato sauce. But surely the owner of The Independent wouldn't have red sauce? A man like that would have proper tomato sauce on his egg and chips, surely. So - it must be something else.
Red Nettle is the next think I think of - but that was The Virgin Prunes' track on the Rough Trade/NME compilation tape C81, and I doubt it
Image via Wikipediacould be that, I'm pretty sure The Independent is not owned by The Late John Peel. Some other sort of red nettle? There is a band, a metal band from Southend whose website is down. Has he found himself deputising on drums at a gig, and stayed on? Then he could be said to have fallen into Red Nettle - but The Red? I saw no evidence on their myspace that they are ever known by the pet name 'The Red'. I'm going to call 'no' on this, and move on. Apparently the plant Lamium Purpureum, commonly known as Red (or Purple) Deadnettle, being as a nettle to the eye but not stinging. Maybe that's what The Virgin Prunes were singing about, but probably not what Dave Indy, as we shall call him, fell into.
The next thing I though of was redshift, although I spelled it wrongly with a space. Now, if he's fallen into the red, he must be moving away from the observer at an incredible speed. Or could that be the newspaper The Observer, which has been threatened with closure? No, he doesn't own that. Maybe he was thinking of buying it? But that would be such an obtuse headline, wouldn't it? Falling into the red - redshift - buying The Observer, no, this is a headline in The Guardian, not a stupid clue on 3-2-1. No, it must be that he is moving away from Earth at an incredible speed. It could be that the journalist is, but it would be strange that he was singling out Dave that way - unless he would have said that about anything, being hung up on the red shift. "What do you think about Michael Jackson?" "He's falling into the red!" No, that's not likely, is it? It must be that Dave Indy himself is heading fast out of the solar system. How on earth did that happen? I'd better look at the article itself to find out.
Bah! The headline is now ad slump pushes Independent News & Media into the red - so an ad slump did it? To the whole company? How on earth? No, wait... doh! It was the debt thing all along! So sorry to have wasted your time like this. Thumbs up to anyone who can spot any of the conscious logical errors I made, and a gold star if you find the deliberate double-bind nerd-pedant trap.
that's all from me for now
see you around
Dead Bank Of The Day: The Midland, King Street, Manchester