It's all about fame now, it seems, and brand image. It seems that even the poor little animals cannot escape this, as I read a news telling me Elephants, Other Iconic Animals Dying in Kenya Drought. I don't think that fact that they are iconic should be an issue, frankly. It's a shame that they're dying in a drought irrespective of that. Also note that the headline suggests that they m
Image by scatterkeir via Flickray be iconic, but they're not worth mentioning compared to the elephants. They're not even mentioned until paragraph six, which starts Many of Kenya's other iconic species—including lions, crocodiles, zebra, and wildebeests— the way that is worded suggests to me that there are other supposedly iconic animals of Kenya that are not worth mentioning even compared to the ones that weren't worth mentioning until paragraph six. Three paragraphs later, we get hippopotamuses. In the next, white rhinoceroses. Then it's back to elephants, thereafter it's generalised.
With holding back on the others until paragraph six, you might think this was a good structure, well, maybe, for a novel or a screenplay, or something of that kind, but not for this sort of thing, at least as realised here. With that sort of fictional construct you have a payoff at the end, generally. Here there was none. It didn't turn out that it was the janitor the whole time. It didn't turn out that it was, in fact, Marilyn Monroe, the most iconic animal of all time, who was responsible. And there was no fantastic space dragon involved. No-one even lived happily ever after. The second, and final, page didn't even mention any animals specifically at all. Was that the twist? It's a bit oblique! People won't be trying to experience the piece on that level. Nick Wadhams, take some advice from me, the famous great writer. You need to train your readers up a bit before trying stuff like that. Perhaps start by mastering the Adam Gabbatt technique. You could start slowly then build it up. For instance, you could have started this piece with "Bob Geldof sang about an elephant's graveyard with his Boomtown Rats, but he did not anticipate the other iconic animals sharing their predicament." Some free advice from me because, my lad, I think you have potential.
that's all from me for now
see you around
Pop Song Of The Day: Stop/Start/Synchro (Rose Elinor Dougall)